Special Topics
  •  Stress in the Fast Lane

       Most of us recognize that demanding work is both invigorating and draining. In my practice in the Tysons Corner area, I see many, many people who are pursuing demanding careers, such as high tech developers, lawyers, media, and business people, even kids trying to make grades. Important goals keep us reaching and striving. Success feels good and reinforces our efforts. But how do situations get out of hand and start to wear us down? How can we get back on track?

       Several factors can lead to stress, frequent disappointment, and even physical discomfort.  Three common factors are:  

  • Loss of intrinsic motivation: Deriving satisfaction from a job well done, that internal feeling of pleasure that results from just having done something well, is one of the basic keys to happiness. When that feeling doesn't come often enough, it's important to evaluate why. Maybe you need a change in what you are doing and or why you are doing it.
  • Striving out of fear: Striving is great when the end result is a positive feeling. Continual striving out of fear or to avoid something, such as failure, punishment, scorn, or censure, is not so healthy. You want to get into a position where you are striving to do well because you like the work and it makes you feel happy, not that you are striving because you are afraid if you don't, you will suffer negative consequences.
  • Lack of balance: People need to take time for themselves away from work to enjoy friends and family as well as their own solitary pursuits. The fast-paced work-oriented lifestyle needs to be balanced with stimulation from other more recreational sources. Otherwise, there is a risk that rewards related to work will start to feel much less rewarding.

Many people find it helpful to discuss stress in their lifestyle with a psychologist.


 
  •   Overwhelmed?

People who feel overwhelmed have more on their shoulders than they can handle.  They may try valiantly to juggle everything, but nothing seems to get accomplished.  After a time, a person who doesn’t experience any satisfaction from all his or her efforts will become fatigued and discouraged.  Sometimes this can cause a person to want to just quit trying at all.   

There are many factors that contribute to a person feeling overwhelmed and discouraged.   Here are some common ones:

Inability to ask for help or say no

Competitiveness out of hand

Desire to please everyone

Need to take care of everything

Problems with time management and time estimation

Think their results are never good enough, so keep on trying, instead of finalizing and moving on.


 

  • Dealing with Personal Betrayal

    •        Betrayal involves a breach of basic assumptions and expectations about a relationship. Lots of people deal with betrayals of one sort of another. Not all betrayals are equal, but anyone who experiences betrayal feels stung and minimized.

           Take the case of a mild betrayal, such as an embarrassing comment made about oneself, by a partner, in public, "Oh, she's always late, don't count on her! Ha ha!" "Don't expect him to ask for directions. He'd rather drive around in circles all night. Ha ha!” We can self-protectively reframe the comment as just being impulsive or dumb, and try to give the benefit of the doubt. However, even mild betrayals, if experienced enough, can be destructive. We need and expect our partners to help us and build us up, even in casual conversation.

           At the other end of the spectrum, a serious betrayal, such as an infidelity, is one of the most difficult things a person can face. Serious infidelity, emotional or physical, can cause the betrayed person to feel so rejected that the anchor is torn free from their emotional stability. Betrayed people can come nearly completely undone. And people who betray, or who are accused of betrayal, also usually experience strong feelings, often guilt.

           People who often feel betrayed or people who have betrayed others have a lot to gain by analyzing these dynamics with a psychologist. Address questions such as these: What is the nature of this relationship? What is it based on? Was that act really a betrayal? Did I miss signs of trouble? Did I contribute in any way? How can I improve things? How can I move on? Betrayal can be so serious that it detracts from quality of life, and consequently, better self-understanding of betrayal can help bolster confidence and contentment.